10th month, 3/11 - 4/11

   Yes, I know I'm late, but a certain someone that we all love so much has decided that he doesn't want to sleep, or sleep very little.  This mama is tired and my little man is quite cranky at times.  :)

   10-months, Jackson is 10-months old!  Time really does move too quickly.  Jackson has had a great month.  Lots of learning, lots of time on the road, lots of growing, and him showing more of his personality.

    

   Jackson had his 9-month checkup and all went well. He weighed in at 18lbs 15oz and is 27.4 inches long.  His pediatrician is pleased with how he's growing and that he's meeting his milestones.  She doesn't have any concerns and even helped explain what was going on with his leg turning purple last month.  She suggested to start giving Jackson some more textured foods instead of just purees so we are starting a new adventure with food.  Yay!  So far we have trialed eggs, with and without cheese and those awesome pouches that are super convenient when out and about.

 

   Jackson and I took a trip to IL to visit my family.  As always, it was so nice to see everyone and they of course couldn't get enough of Jackson.  They all bought him some Easter gifts and he enjoyed opening them.  He got some new outfits, a Winnie the Pooh dressed as a bunny, a play remote, an animal puzzle, some bibs, and some sippy cups.  While in IL, we went with my parents to celebrate my uncle's birthday.  It was nice, especially since I haven't seen my dad's family in quite some time.  It was a short visit, but definitely worth the time.

   Jackson slept in a pack-n-play while we were in IL.  We had a rough two nights! The first night he was up EVERY hour.  The second night he slept longer, but he woke up screaming and crying like I've never heard him do before.  He has this new whine that is absolutely pitiful and breaks my heart.  I don't know if he couldn't sleep because he was in a new place and a different bed or what was going on.  Either way, it was rough!  I have always said that I wouldn't co-sleep, not that there is anything wrong with it, I just imagined not being able to sleep because of my fear of rolling on top of the baby, covers getting tangled on the baby, etc.  Well, it happened both nights in IL.  I was so desperate for sleep that I decided to give it a try and it worked.  Both times Jackson snuggled in close and instantly fell asleep.      

    After our visit to IL, Jackson and I went to Arkansas to spend a little over a week with my parents. Ever since I was little, my parents and I would go to Bull Shoals Lake in Arkansas for summer vacation.  It became such a staple that my parents and another couple bought property together and split it.  They spent years clearing out, building, and everything else to make a permanent place for us to visit each time we went.  We started with a camper, then they built a small cabin, and now, within the last fear years, my parents actually built their retirement home there.  I have such a love for the property and the lake.  There are so many memories there.  So many funny stories that could be told. So, needless to say, I can't wait to spend summer vacations there with Jackson.  I look forward to creating new memories with Matt and Jackson.  I hope Jackson grows up loving it as much as I do.

 
     

   We went to Springfield for a consignment sale that I found online.  I kind of have a new obsession with consignment sales.  :)  We got lots of new toys and books for Jackson.  While in Springfield, we went to eat at Lambert's, home of the thrown rolls!  If you've never been to Lambert's, you should plan a trip.  It is definitely an experience and their food is awesome.

   Jackson has found a new love for paper, any paper, as long as it makes sound!  At the doctor's office, he loves the paper that is on the table.  If he can get his hands on a newspaper, he will play with it for quite some time before getting bored.  He gets upset, full blown mini temper tantrum if I don't give him the receipt after grocery shopping.  My child can have quite the temper at times.

    

   We celebrated Jackson's first Easter at my parent's house.  We took Jackson to Bass Pro Shops in Branson to see the Easter Bunny and get Jackson's picture taken.  I wasn't sure how Jackson would be with the Easter Bunny, especially since he is going through what seems like a "stranger danger" phase.  However, he did great!  He didn't cry or whine and he even smiled and "talked" with the Easter Bunny.

   We have started putting Jackson in an exersaucer to try and get him to stretch out his legs and bare weight.  At first I wasn't letting him stay in it for too long since I didn't want to hurt his hips.  However, once we got the ok from Courtney, the physical therapist, I've started letting him play in it for a little longer.  It was amazing to watch how quickly he figured the exersaucer out!

   Jackson had his first experience with bubbles.  He LOVED them!  It was kind of funny at first because he just watched them float away.  After a few minutes, he seemed to try and catch them as they floated by him.  He even got mad when I tried to put them away.

   Kim, my sister in law, took Jackson's 9-month pictures.  She did a great job, as usual!  Jackson did a pretty good job this time compared to the last time.  He actually smiled for some of the pictures!

 

   Jackson has started to get himself in the side sitting position, it's so exciting! He tries so hard to get himself on both of his knees, but he gets stuck.  We've been working on getting him "unstuck" with the physical therapist.  Once he does get on to his knees, he starts to bounce or rock.  However, he doesn't stay on his knees for long.  He definitely isn't a fan of it yet.  He hasn't started crawling yet, but he is getting pretty good at scooting backwards.  

   Jackson has started to give kisses!  You know, the open mouth, full of slobber kind of kisses.  There is nothing better!

   The fur babies are coming around more and more.  Chevelle, the one that I never imagined would want anything to do with Jackson, likes to lay next to him while he is playing.  It is so strange and at the same time creeps me out.  HaHa!  Aubie comes around, but she still isn't sure about Jackson trying to pet her.  She likes to be near him, but still far away enough that he can't quite reach her.  :)

 

   It seems that we have reached to point of Jackson starting to throw things that he either A.) doesn't want at the time, or B.) to get our attention.  The thing that gets tossed the most is his bottle while he is laying in his rock n' play.  If he's in his high chair, he loves to throw whatever he is eating down to the fur babies.  They love when he throws down his puffs because they play with them like hockey pucks.

   I've let Jackson play with a baby mirror for quite some time.  One day, while sitting downstairs, I decided to put Jackson in front of one of our big mirrors.  He had the biggest time playing and talking with the baby in the mirror.  :)

 

   While my parents were in town we decided to go to the zoo.  The last time that Jackson and I went to the zoo a lot of the animals weren't out and he slept majority of the time.  This time, he was awake for most of the time that we were there.  He also seemed more interested in the animals and was definitely looking around more.

   I guess that's it, it's been a busy month, but I've loved every minute.  I've already started planning Jackson's first birthday and have even started making some of the decorations.  The problem with being a "crafty" mom, there isn't enough time and money to make all the fun things that I've found on Pinterest!  Toodles for now!

Love, 

Crystal and Jackson

 

  

Happy 1st "Butt" Day!

   It's been a year... 365 days... 12 very short months, since Jackson and I underwent fetal surgery.  To my amazing Jackson, happy 1st "butt"day my little love!  We will always celebrate what this day means: hope, strength, and love.  We will never be able to repay our family and friends for all that they have done.  Without my parents, Matt's parents, and of course Matt, Jackson and I wouldn't have been able to have the surgery.  I could never say thank you enough to my mother-in-law and my parents for sitting with me day in and day out.  They cooked, did the grocery shopping, cleaned, and in general kept me company for 10 weeks.  On the days when I had an ultrasound, they would even sneak me to a restaurant so that I could curve whatever craving I was having at the time. :)

        

   I will go ahead and warn you, I included a picture from the surgery on this post.  It isn't gory gross, but it also isn't sunshine and flowers.  :)  This is the first time that I am posting a picture of Jackson's scar.  For the most part, only family members have seen his scar, but I feel it's time to show everyone.  His scar can be hard to look at, but to me, it's beautiful.  When you see it, please don't think "Oh poor baby," I assure you that he isn't letting it get in his way of anything.  

    Why do we call it “Butt Day?”  The day we had fetal surgery, they cut into my uterus to get to Jackson's back to close the opening in his spine.  His adorable little butt was shown to the world while they performed the surgery and then tucked back into the womb to be born again later.  In the Spina Bifida community we celebrate this day.  It is a miracle that fetal surgery exists.  We are so grateful for the talented team at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital.  Without them, Jackson's story could be dramatically different.

   

   I will be the first one to admit that I have been struggling with my emotions lately.  As I got closer to this day, I found myself having very vivid flashbacks.  I often find myself tearing up, if not just completely breaking down.  My emotions are still very much raw.

   My biggest fear was something going wrong during the surgery.  I was so scared about waking up and being told that Jackson had to be delivered for whatever reason or that he didn't survive the surgery due to the stress that it put on him. 

   I remember rubbing my belly and telling Jackson that he had to be strong the entire time that I was being wheeled to the operating room.  While the anesthesiologist was putting me under, the last thing I said was, "Love you baby boy."

   When I came to in the operating room after the surgery, the first thing I did was ask Sarah, the nurse, if Jackson was ok.  When she told me that everything went perfectly and that he had a strong heartbeat that didn't change the entire time, a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.  My fear went from losing him to doing everything possible to keep him "baking" for as long as possible.

   A year later, we have an almost 10 month old that has a contagious laugh, a sweet smile, and the most beautiful eyes.  He is so determined to do things and has reached his milestones - some on time, some a little late, and even some a little soon.  He babbles up a storm, ALL DAY LONG and loves to play with all of his toys.  While he doesn't have felling or movement in his ankles or feet, he sits up like a champ and is so, so close to start crawling.  He loves music and even likes me singing off key and dancing like a crazy lady.  We read daily and he's found that books taste extremely good!  He loves to pet his fur siblings and gets sad when they walk away.  He has the best personality and is the biggest flirt with the ladies.  If only I knew then what I know now! I wish I could have seen into the future, to see how wonderful Jackson is doing and how amazing he truly is.

   I've been asked several times if I would do it all over again - Yes, definitely!  It wasn't easy by any means and it was very scary, but Jackson is worth every tear that fell, every fear that crossed my mind, and every ounce of pain that I went through.  Jackson deserved every chance that was offered with the surgery.     

   My hope for this blog has always been to hopefully give a newly diagnosed mom/dad the hope that they so desperately seek.  We've been in their shoes and it was so hard.  I hope that Jackson's story will shine some light on an otherwise dark time.  So, to you, the parent that just received the news that your child has spina bifida, or whatever diagnosis you received, everything will be ok!  Your child will absolutely amaze you.  One day, like so many of us, you will look back on this time and wonder why you were so worried. You will find and feel a love you have never felt before the first time that you see your child.  Remember that you aren't alone.  Reach out to others.  You are part of a family that no one really wanted to become part of, but we are all here for you.  On the days that you struggle with keeping the hope alive, seek out the pictures of our children. There's no way to be sad when you look at pictures of all of our smiling and happy little ones.  Remember, your child's diagnosis doesn't define them!

With love,
Crystal and Jackson