As I sit here and watch my belly move around and feel Jackson jab at me every once in a while, I can't help but become a little sad. Our time is almost over - we only have a little over 6 weeks to go until he makes his arrival. I can't help but laugh at the fact that at one point in time I thought time was moving so slowly through this pregnancy. Where's the magical wand to reverse time? Where's the remote from "Click" that would allow me to rewind and pause?
This pregnancy hasn't been easy by any means, but I am truly going to miss being pregnant. Am I going to miss the morning sickness? No, absolutely not! Am I going to miss the extra anxiety? Nope, can't say that I will miss that either. Am I going to miss being waited on due to bedrest? Maybe... Just a little bit. :) What will I miss? I'm going to miss the magic of growing another human being. Pregnancy truly is an amazing process that shouldn't be taken for granted. I'm going to miss the little jabs and kicks - even the ones where Jackson hits my bladder repeatedly because he's practicing his basketball moves. I'm going to miss watching my belly in amazement and wondering what Jackson is doing in there. There is so much that I'm going miss, but as of right now, I'm making sure to enjoy every minute.
Matt and I have always talked about having two kiddos, but now we don't know what is going to happen in the future. Jackson may be our one and only. Is this a problem? No, definitely not, but it wasn't what we were originally planning either. I find myself laughing when I hear someone say something about a "normal" pregnancy. What's normal? To me, what I've been through and am still going through is normal. I don't know any difference. Does this pregnancy make me think differently about having another child? ABSOLUTELY! I think anyone that has gone through a difficult pregnancy/high risk would tell you that they worry about having future children.
Are we positive that we won't have another baby in the future? No, but we definitely have a lot to think about before that time comes. Once Jackson is born, we will have to wait a minimum of 2 years before trying to conceive again. Due to having the fetal surgery, my uterine incision will need to be evaluated to make sure that it healed properly and could withstand the stress of another pregnancy. Not waiting the correct amount of time, or not getting evaluated prior to conceiving could be extremely dangerous, not just for me, but for the future baby as well. One of the major risks that we face is preterm rupture of the membranes. We face this danger now with Jackson, but with our weekly ultrasound, everything is being closely monitored. I would assume that if we decided to have another baby, I would be closely monitored again due to the risks.
I've come to realize that my anxiety is based around the unknown. I am a very factual person and a planner. Having a lot of questions without the answers raises my anxiety level. I try to block certain thoughts out and replace them with happy thoughts of Jackson. I think about what it's going to be like once he is here. I think about hearing his first cry and being able to finally kiss the lips that I've seen on so many ultrasounds. I imagine Matt's reaction when he sees his son for the first time. I think about how proud both of us are going to be - we already are extremely proud of how strong Jackson is. Jackson isn't even here yet and he is very much loved. I am so thankful to have been chosen to be his mommy and I can't wait to see what all he accomplishes in his life. He will do something big in his life, just wait and see!
Crystal
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
7th appointment post-op
Today was our 7th weekly appointment and I went in thinking that we would get the same news as the previous weeks, I am ecstatic at the news that we received, but I'm going to save that news for last!
It's been a month since Jackson was measured, so Ixa, the ultrasound tech, took all the measurements she needed to see how much he has grown. Jackson weighs approximately 4lbs and 3 oz and is measuring a little bit ahead, but the doctor doesn't seem to be concerned. No matter how Ixa had me lay, Jackson wouldn't move for her so she could get more accurate measurements. In case you didn't know, Jackson is a stinker.
My amniotic fluid level dropped a little bit since our last appointment. The first measurement that was taken was a little over 7cm, but when Ixa remeasured, she calculated it at 10 1/2cm. That means that I was down 2cm from last week. When I spoke with Dr. Bennett she assured me that we are still within normal range, but did let me know that if I drop below 10 she may send me over to the hospital to receive IV fluids. As of right now she wants me to drink more water to see if we can get my level back up. I drink a lot of water as it is, but if I need to drink more, then so be it.
Dr. Bennett and Emily were impressed with my blood sugar numbers from last week. My fasting number is suppose to be below 95, but I had a couple that were a little bit higher. However, Dr. Bennett said as long as it stays below 100 then she is ok with it. It is a similar story with my 2 hour post meal levels. I had a few higher than 120, but the highest was 127. So far, so good!
On to the BIG news! Jackson's ventricles are still the same size, so Dr. Bennett thinks that they have stabilized - Yay! I was informed that Jackson's hindbrain herniation has begun to reverse! You read that correctly, his brain has begun to go back up to where it needs to be instead of being pulled backwards. When Dr. Bennett told us this, I couldn't keep my emotions in. I have been waiting to hear that news since the surgery. There were three main goals to having the surgery: prevent the need for a shunt, reverse the hindbrain herniation, and to hopefully increase mobility. As of right now Jackson will NOT need a shunt and the hindbrain herniation is reversing. This proves that the surgery was a success and that everything we have gone through was worth it.
Crystal
_________________________________________________________________________________
My sweet little wiggle worm,
You are 31 weeks tomorrow and getting big. You have become quite the wiggle worm and love when I play music. I am so proud of you. You continue to amaze your doctors and of course daddy and I. Getting the news today that your hindbrain herniation was beginning to reverse was so emotional for me. I was waiting to hear that news and couldn't keep the tears from falling. The reversing of your hindbrain herniation proves that the surgery was a success and worth everything that we have gone through.
You were measured today to see how much you have grown since last month. It's official, you definitely have my long legs. In fact, you are measuring at 32 weeks 5 days instead of 31 weeks. Keep growing baby boy. We have 6 more weeks to go! I can't believe how fast the time has gone by. I am so excited to meet you.
All of your furniture was delivered today. Setting your room up made your soon to be arrival even more real. Nana and PawPaw helped put pictures up in your room and decorate a little bit; I absolutely love how everything looks. Your bassinet is in our room awaiting your arrival, but that doesn't mean that you can come early. :)
Love you always,
Mommy
It's been a month since Jackson was measured, so Ixa, the ultrasound tech, took all the measurements she needed to see how much he has grown. Jackson weighs approximately 4lbs and 3 oz and is measuring a little bit ahead, but the doctor doesn't seem to be concerned. No matter how Ixa had me lay, Jackson wouldn't move for her so she could get more accurate measurements. In case you didn't know, Jackson is a stinker.
My amniotic fluid level dropped a little bit since our last appointment. The first measurement that was taken was a little over 7cm, but when Ixa remeasured, she calculated it at 10 1/2cm. That means that I was down 2cm from last week. When I spoke with Dr. Bennett she assured me that we are still within normal range, but did let me know that if I drop below 10 she may send me over to the hospital to receive IV fluids. As of right now she wants me to drink more water to see if we can get my level back up. I drink a lot of water as it is, but if I need to drink more, then so be it.
Dr. Bennett and Emily were impressed with my blood sugar numbers from last week. My fasting number is suppose to be below 95, but I had a couple that were a little bit higher. However, Dr. Bennett said as long as it stays below 100 then she is ok with it. It is a similar story with my 2 hour post meal levels. I had a few higher than 120, but the highest was 127. So far, so good!
On to the BIG news! Jackson's ventricles are still the same size, so Dr. Bennett thinks that they have stabilized - Yay! I was informed that Jackson's hindbrain herniation has begun to reverse! You read that correctly, his brain has begun to go back up to where it needs to be instead of being pulled backwards. When Dr. Bennett told us this, I couldn't keep my emotions in. I have been waiting to hear that news since the surgery. There were three main goals to having the surgery: prevent the need for a shunt, reverse the hindbrain herniation, and to hopefully increase mobility. As of right now Jackson will NOT need a shunt and the hindbrain herniation is reversing. This proves that the surgery was a success and that everything we have gone through was worth it.
Crystal
_________________________________________________________________________________
My sweet little wiggle worm,
You are 31 weeks tomorrow and getting big. You have become quite the wiggle worm and love when I play music. I am so proud of you. You continue to amaze your doctors and of course daddy and I. Getting the news today that your hindbrain herniation was beginning to reverse was so emotional for me. I was waiting to hear that news and couldn't keep the tears from falling. The reversing of your hindbrain herniation proves that the surgery was a success and worth everything that we have gone through.
You were measured today to see how much you have grown since last month. It's official, you definitely have my long legs. In fact, you are measuring at 32 weeks 5 days instead of 31 weeks. Keep growing baby boy. We have 6 more weeks to go! I can't believe how fast the time has gone by. I am so excited to meet you.
All of your furniture was delivered today. Setting your room up made your soon to be arrival even more real. Nana and PawPaw helped put pictures up in your room and decorate a little bit; I absolutely love how everything looks. Your bassinet is in our room awaiting your arrival, but that doesn't mean that you can come early. :)
Love you always,
Mommy
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
6th appointment post-op
I have been officially diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I was disappointed in myself and worried about the effects on Jackson. When I spoke with the doctor she said that she was shocked that I failed because all of the other tests that I had taken prior (A1C) was good, but said that we were going to figure this out.
Dr. Bennett explained that gestational diabetes is treatable and that we are going to try and treat it with diet first. If I can't get my numbers down then we will look at the road of an oral medicine. She then went on to explain that while pregnant, the placenta produces an insulin resistant hormone which could lead to gestational diabetes. I'm growing Jackson, the Super Boy, so I need a super placenta! :)
I have to start testing my blood 4 times a day: before breakfast and then 2 hours after each meal. I'm not a fan of needles in any case, but the thought of me poking myself doesn't get me excited. My before eating level needs to be below 95 and my 2 hours after eating needs to be below 120. I was scheduled to meet with a dietitian, but Dr. Bennett didn't like the idea of me having to wait in another wait room. Instead I meet with Emily and she gave me some guidelines to follow and told me that there are a ton of resources online that I can look at. I have my homework for the night. :)
As usual, Jackson looked great! He was moving a lot during the ultrasound, but made sure to keep his legs up by his chest and his hands up by his face. He better get used to having his pictures taken by the time he makes his arrival. His ventricles are still the same as last week - great news! My amniotic fluid was at a great level and there didn't appear to be any leaks or anything. My incision (inside and outside) looks great and there aren't any signs of it pulling. Overall, we both recieved another gold star!
Crystal
_________________________________________________________________________________
Jax,
We made it to 30 weeks baby boy! We only have 7 more weeks to go - hang tight and keep getting stronger. I thought I had figured out your sleep schedule, but I guess you decided to change it up. I'm not complaining though. You used to be really active after 10pm, but now your most active time is after lunch. While I would love to be able to say that I'm sleeping more at night, that isn't the case. I'm waking up every 2-3 hours with you playing basketball on my bladder, but it's OK, play away!
I hope that I am able to get my blood sugar under control and not have to get put on to an oral medication. I'm going to try my hardest - if nothing else, I am very much determined to do what is best for you. You kept making sweet little faces during the ultrasound, but you being the stinker that you are, the tech couldn't get a good picture. Once you're here little one, you won't have a choice on getting your picture made. :)
Love you always,
Mommy
Dr. Bennett explained that gestational diabetes is treatable and that we are going to try and treat it with diet first. If I can't get my numbers down then we will look at the road of an oral medicine. She then went on to explain that while pregnant, the placenta produces an insulin resistant hormone which could lead to gestational diabetes. I'm growing Jackson, the Super Boy, so I need a super placenta! :)
I have to start testing my blood 4 times a day: before breakfast and then 2 hours after each meal. I'm not a fan of needles in any case, but the thought of me poking myself doesn't get me excited. My before eating level needs to be below 95 and my 2 hours after eating needs to be below 120. I was scheduled to meet with a dietitian, but Dr. Bennett didn't like the idea of me having to wait in another wait room. Instead I meet with Emily and she gave me some guidelines to follow and told me that there are a ton of resources online that I can look at. I have my homework for the night. :)
As usual, Jackson looked great! He was moving a lot during the ultrasound, but made sure to keep his legs up by his chest and his hands up by his face. He better get used to having his pictures taken by the time he makes his arrival. His ventricles are still the same as last week - great news! My amniotic fluid was at a great level and there didn't appear to be any leaks or anything. My incision (inside and outside) looks great and there aren't any signs of it pulling. Overall, we both recieved another gold star!
Crystal
_________________________________________________________________________________
Jax,
We made it to 30 weeks baby boy! We only have 7 more weeks to go - hang tight and keep getting stronger. I thought I had figured out your sleep schedule, but I guess you decided to change it up. I'm not complaining though. You used to be really active after 10pm, but now your most active time is after lunch. While I would love to be able to say that I'm sleeping more at night, that isn't the case. I'm waking up every 2-3 hours with you playing basketball on my bladder, but it's OK, play away!
I hope that I am able to get my blood sugar under control and not have to get put on to an oral medication. I'm going to try my hardest - if nothing else, I am very much determined to do what is best for you. You kept making sweet little faces during the ultrasound, but you being the stinker that you are, the tech couldn't get a good picture. Once you're here little one, you won't have a choice on getting your picture made. :)
Love you always,
Mommy
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
5th appointment post-op
Today was the day - the 3 hour glucose test day... Ugh! I haven't eaten since midnight, but to be honest, I'm not hungry. I want to get this over with and find out if I have gestational diabetes or not. I've been doing a lot of research on GD and trying to figure out what I can and can't eat just in case if the test is positive. From what I've read I just have to really watch how many carbs I eat and somehow beat my major sweet tooth.
I was wheeled downstairs to get my first of 4 blood draws done. This was going to be a long 4 hours at the doctor's office. The first blood draw was to check my fasting level. After that, we went back upstairs and I was placed in the "cooler." The "cooler" is an ultrasound room that is perfect for pregnant ladies, fabulously cold! For the next 3 hours the phlebotomist came into the "cooler" to draw my blood at each hour interval. It's so much fun getting blood drawn 4 times in the same day... Not. :) I should find out my results later today or possibly tomorrow. Fingers crossed!
During the ultrasound we got to watch Jackson practice breath some more. I love watching his belly move up and down. :) The left ventricle stayed the same size as last week, but the right one went up a little bit. Dr. Bennett didn't seem very concerned about it and explained that there should be another increase in a few weeks, but that it was normal. If she isn't concerned, then neither am I. Overall, we got another gold star report about Jackson which is great.
Crystal
_________________________________________________________________________________
My sweet Jackson,
You are 29 weeks and getting bigger and bigger. You amaze me each time that I see you on the ultrasound. You amaze me each time that I feel you kick/punch and move around. Overall, you amaze me. I am so thankful that I have been chosen to be your mommy and hope to be half the mommy your Nana was to me.
You have become quite the basketball player and love to hit my bladder. You are still a stinker when it comes time for our weekly ultrasounds. You love to put your hands in front of your face and hug your chest with your legs. Each week they try to look at your incision, but you curl yourself up so that they can't get a good look. I wonder if you'll be this stubborn when your born...
Love always,
Mommy
I was wheeled downstairs to get my first of 4 blood draws done. This was going to be a long 4 hours at the doctor's office. The first blood draw was to check my fasting level. After that, we went back upstairs and I was placed in the "cooler." The "cooler" is an ultrasound room that is perfect for pregnant ladies, fabulously cold! For the next 3 hours the phlebotomist came into the "cooler" to draw my blood at each hour interval. It's so much fun getting blood drawn 4 times in the same day... Not. :) I should find out my results later today or possibly tomorrow. Fingers crossed!
During the ultrasound we got to watch Jackson practice breath some more. I love watching his belly move up and down. :) The left ventricle stayed the same size as last week, but the right one went up a little bit. Dr. Bennett didn't seem very concerned about it and explained that there should be another increase in a few weeks, but that it was normal. If she isn't concerned, then neither am I. Overall, we got another gold star report about Jackson which is great.
Crystal
_________________________________________________________________________________
My sweet Jackson,
You are 29 weeks and getting bigger and bigger. You amaze me each time that I see you on the ultrasound. You amaze me each time that I feel you kick/punch and move around. Overall, you amaze me. I am so thankful that I have been chosen to be your mommy and hope to be half the mommy your Nana was to me.
You have become quite the basketball player and love to hit my bladder. You are still a stinker when it comes time for our weekly ultrasounds. You love to put your hands in front of your face and hug your chest with your legs. Each week they try to look at your incision, but you curl yourself up so that they can't get a good look. I wonder if you'll be this stubborn when your born...
Love always,
Mommy
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
4th appointment post-op
Wow, a month since surgery - well, 2 days shy of a month! We made it to 28 weeks... Whoo hoo! Jackson had a lazy day on Sunday and it concerned me so I got in contact with the doctor. She asked that we come in a day early to just ease my mind, so that's what we did. I was extremely nervous going in and prayed that everything was OK.
As soon as the ultrasound tech started her exam, Jackson decided to move around like crazy - little stinker! I was concerned for no reason. Apparently my son just likes to have quiet days every once in a while. I guess he's like everyone else and just needs some time to sleep. :) As soon as I saw him move and the tech told me his heartbeat, my anxiety level dropped. Anxiety is a beast on its own, but having it while your pregnant after having major surgery is AWFUL!
Overall Jackson looks good and was moving well. I saw him moving, but I wasn't able to feel all of the movements. Emily, the nurse practitioner, explained that I should try placing my hands on my belly and feel for movements that way. She also suggested to lay something on my belly and watch for it to move. While Jackson is moving, he isn't necessarily hitting/punching hard enough for me to feel it. Hopefully with her suggestions, I will be able to relieve some of the anxiety that I've been having.
I had to take the 1 hour glucose test today to check for gestational diabetes. I have a huge sweet tooth and haven't been stopping myself from indulging in sweets, so to say I was worried was an understatement. My blood work came back as a 174 and it should have been 135 or below. Needless to say, I failed and I failed miserably. I will have to take the 3 hour glucose test on our next visit. I'm really nervous about not being able to eat for so long, but I'm going to do what needs to be done.
Crystal
_________________________________________________________________________________
My sweet Jax,
You are quite the show off little one! Not only are you impressing your doctor, but now you've impressed the ultrasound tech. You did a great job today with your practice breathing. I loved watching your diaphragm open and close and your stomach rise and fall with each breath. It was purely magical. No more lazy days... Or at least give me kick/punch a couple of times throughout the day to let me know you're doing OK. Not feeling you all day had me worried and I was driving your daddy and Nana crazy. Keep growing and becoming stronger! We have 8 more weeks to go baby boy. I can't wait to meet you and give you kisses.
Love always,
Mommy
As soon as the ultrasound tech started her exam, Jackson decided to move around like crazy - little stinker! I was concerned for no reason. Apparently my son just likes to have quiet days every once in a while. I guess he's like everyone else and just needs some time to sleep. :) As soon as I saw him move and the tech told me his heartbeat, my anxiety level dropped. Anxiety is a beast on its own, but having it while your pregnant after having major surgery is AWFUL!
Overall Jackson looks good and was moving well. I saw him moving, but I wasn't able to feel all of the movements. Emily, the nurse practitioner, explained that I should try placing my hands on my belly and feel for movements that way. She also suggested to lay something on my belly and watch for it to move. While Jackson is moving, he isn't necessarily hitting/punching hard enough for me to feel it. Hopefully with her suggestions, I will be able to relieve some of the anxiety that I've been having.
I had to take the 1 hour glucose test today to check for gestational diabetes. I have a huge sweet tooth and haven't been stopping myself from indulging in sweets, so to say I was worried was an understatement. My blood work came back as a 174 and it should have been 135 or below. Needless to say, I failed and I failed miserably. I will have to take the 3 hour glucose test on our next visit. I'm really nervous about not being able to eat for so long, but I'm going to do what needs to be done.
Crystal
_________________________________________________________________________________
My sweet Jax,
You are quite the show off little one! Not only are you impressing your doctor, but now you've impressed the ultrasound tech. You did a great job today with your practice breathing. I loved watching your diaphragm open and close and your stomach rise and fall with each breath. It was purely magical. No more lazy days... Or at least give me kick/punch a couple of times throughout the day to let me know you're doing OK. Not feeling you all day had me worried and I was driving your daddy and Nana crazy. Keep growing and becoming stronger! We have 8 more weeks to go baby boy. I can't wait to meet you and give you kisses.
Love always,
Mommy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)